Marvel's Daredevil has what Gotham Wants

Before I begin, let me just say that when it comes to the whole Marvel vs DC debate, I fall on neither side, and I fall on both sides. To me, they are all characters that I enjoy and I am not turned off by the comics label I see in the credits. That being said, let's talk about Marvel's latest offering, Daredevil on Netflix.

It's the show we deserve, but not the show we need... Pretty sure neither of that is true

Actually, let's compare it to the other comic book show that I was excited for until recently, Gotham. Being blunt, I am really dissappointed by Gotham. The characters are really one noted, and in some cases more cartoony than the animated counterpart, the story is dull, and it irritates me how it can never decide what it wants to be. I just want to shake it and ask it if it wants to be more like the Burton version of Batman, or the Nolan version of Batman. Either way, I will like whichever way they choose because I like both of those approaches, but when they swing back and forth week after week, it gets kind of irritating. On top of that, they are focusing too much on characters that we have seen a million times already, while completely forgetting about characters that haven't gotten that much attention in the past, that would be perfect for this show. Yeah, seeing awkward geeky Riddler is fun, and emo, possibly gay Penguin is a scene-stealer, but when are we gonna get Dr. Hugo Strange? And I swear to God, I will protest this show if I never hear anything to do with Black Mask.


                                                 
Seriously, less Jada Pinkett Smith, more of these two. I'll settle for any of these two, in exchange for zero Jada Pinkett Smith

Daredevil, on the other hand is a freaking masterpiece. While Gotham clutters its show with tons of characters that are all underdeveloped, Daredevil keeps the main cast tidy and gives each character (and the actor's playing them) time to shine. While Gotham is a real show that makes its characters feel very comic-book-ey, Daredevil is also a real show and makes its characters feel real. They don't feel like characters pulled from the panels of comics, they feel like real people. What Gotham is really missing is a strong central villain to drive the action of the overall story (again I bring up Black Mask). What Gotham needs is a character like Wesley's employer (we don't say his name), who should feel very cartoony, but actor Vincent D'onofrio plays him in a manner you wouldn't come to expect from a continuity that includes The Red Skull. His characteristics don't come across like they are a personality quirk or a disorder, as tends to be the case with a number of big screen villains, they come across as feeling like real characteristics of people we meet. He has anger issues, we all know someone like that. He's awkward when he is in public, we all have a friend like that. The most sympathetic aspect of his character is that he honest to God, hand over his heart believes that the horrible things he is doing are all for the benefit of his city, or at least will be in the long run. If I had to compare him to another on screen villain, it would be Anton from No Country for Old Men. He takes no real pleasure in doing what he does, but if he doesn't do them, then the world will be thrown off. Characters like that fascinate me, and in a world where we have embraced the villain who feels fully justified even when they are spreading misery and chaos (Red Skull, Loki), it's refreshing to have a character that actually admits "yeah, I've done and will do unforgivable things, and I hate that."

On top of that, his assistant, Wesley is a rather underrated highlight of the show. Where in the comics, he was just Kingpin's sniveling number 2, in the show, he is written as being the Kobayashi to Fisk's Keyser Soze. He's that asshole who you want to hate, but the actor plays him with such a supreme level of confidence and he is truly the best at what he does that he ends up being that villain you hate to love.

Okay, so I've touched on the villains quite a bit, and while I could probably write a whole essay on why I love these characters, there are other characters in the show that I like. Actually, all the characters in the show I like. That's the benefit of keeping your cast clutter free. And there are layers to each character. Sure, Matt's partner Foggy makes a ton of wisecracks, but the two have great chemistry, and it is also made clear that, for as much as Foggy moans about the path they chose vs the path they were offered, he believes that what he is doing is the right thing. Perhaps taking the prestigious job where they interned was the wiser option, but actually representing people in need is ultimately what helps him sleep at night, even if it doesn't always help pay the bills. At least at first.

See what I mean about these people feeling real and having some depth? And that's really what you want most in a tv show where the focus and what draws people to watching it is the characters. And the stronger the characters and relationships are, the more we believe in their emotional conflicts and sympathize with their struggles. The characters and stories in Gotham feel very cartoony and don't take a lot of risks, so we know that in the end, it's going to be alright, and that saps out all of the suspense. Daredevil sees its main character get in a brawl and get the crap kicked out of him almost every episode, and when we see him bruised, bloody, broken, almost die and still wanting to get up for the next round, that's just empowering. Especially when you consider he is blind.

Gotham, learn to take risks. Don't be afraid to drag your characters through hell. That idea may make writers shift a little, but the show will leave a bigger impression on people if you do.

My Idea for a Star Wars Spin Off: Star Wars Suicide Squad

Okay, bear with me here for a bit. With it being anounced that there are several Star Wars spin offs in the works, both in movie and graphic novel form, a lot of people have been wondering what they are going to be about. Some reports say that it will revolve around Han Solo, some think there will be a standalone Boba Fett movie, we know that at least one will be about Rogue Squadron (so think Top Gun in space). Anyway, I recently had an idea for a spin off that I hope will exist at some point, or already exists. Given the amount of books written about the expanded Star Wars universe, I wouldn't be surprised.

So here's how it began. I recently came across this poster in a Hot Topic:

For those of you who don't know, that is Darth Vader (duh) with the group of mercenaries that he had assembled to hunt down the Millenium Falcon in Empire Strikes Back, among them fan favorite Boba Fett and IG-88. I don't know about you, but I always wondered how Vader was able to gather them so quickly. But then I thought, what if this is not the first time that Vader has called upon these mercenaries to get the job done when the imperial stormtroopers are not up to snuff? And then I thought of this: What if these guys could be Star Wars' answer to The Expendables or the Suicide Squad?

So here's the storyline that I have mapped out in my head: The emperor has just come into ultimate power, and he needs to stamp out the remaining resistance from the Clone Wars, along with eliminate any remaining Jedi that managed to escape Order 66, and he needs to stop further seeds of rebellion from growing. However, he can't use Stormtroopers because they are too noticeable and are too formal to pull off any sort of espionage or subtle assassinations. In essence, they have the same weakness as the brithish redcoats. So, in the same way that the British empire called upon Hessian mercenaries to suppress the colonists, so too the emperor wants to employ mercenaries to do what his legions of stormtroopers cannot. He calls upon Darth Vader and Moff Tarkin. You know, this guy....

Tarkin is gonna be in this? Hell yeah he's gonna be in this! We are talking about the guy that was handed the keys to the Death Star and blew up Alderaan without seeking permission, just to prove a point. We are talking about a guy who's ambitious and has no moral compass whatsoever.

So Palpatine commissions Vader and Tarkin to bring together a group of mercenaries to eliminate imperial targets and suppress local rebellions throughout the systems. They search the dregs of their jails as well as recruit other well known bounty hunters like Boba Fett, given the large amount of resources at their disposal along with Vader's connection to the Force, this doesn't take too long. Along with that, Vader also gets his hand on the droid IG-88, and reprograms him to act as a sort of sleeper cell, so that Vader can keep an eye on them even when he's not in the room. He also has the droid fitted with explosives that Vader could detonate should the squad get too unruly or if he senses that they are about to defect to the rebels. That twist however, wouldn't be revealed until later.

So now they have their crack team of mercenaries assembled, with Tarkin and Vader acting as the Mr. Church or the Amanda Waller of the group. After Vader and Tarkin have their team assembled, Palpatine gives them free reign to get the job done however they please, just as long as they deliver the heads of their targets. Of course, being that they are bounty hunters, convincing them to go along with it is not hard because their loyalty is to the highest bidder. As time progresses, Tarkin sees the true benefit of having a ragtag group of deadly bounty hunters at your call. However, he doesn't like having to report to Palpatine, especially because he knows the Emperor will force him to have them executed once he feels their usefulness has run its course. Jumping in front of this, Vader and Tarkin arrange to have their deaths faked on what is supposed to be their last job for the Empire. That would be the end of book/season 1.

Part 2 begins and we are still several years before A New Hope and Vader and Tarkin are still using their squad in a similar capacity as they were before. The only difference is that in addition to eliminating threats to the Empire, they are also using them to blackmail and assassinate political within the Empire. Perhaps at some point Tarkin learns that he is the runner up for the Death Star job, so he has the squad eliminate his competition and blames the Rebel Alliance for his murder, thereby securing his place on the death star and furthering the need for a super weapon since everybody believes the rebels are responsible.Now we are at the halfway mark of part 2, and Vader and Tarkin are put in charge of the death star. However, the rebels have just stolen data discs containing the death star plans and now they have disappeared. With Princess Lea in custody and Tarkin plotting their next move, Vader dispatches the squad to find the death star plans, since he again knows that using stormtroopers attracts too much attention. Boba Fett follows a lead on Tatooine (thus explaining his presence there with Jabba), while the others follow other leads to no avail.After discovering who has them, but failing to recover the plans, Vader and Tarkin begin to question if their squad's usefulness truly has run its course as the Emperor thought. Before Tarkin can make that decision, however, he is killed when the death star is blown up, leaving them solely in the hands of Darth Vader. 

Part 3 begins with Vader, still pissed at the loss of his friend and the death star, considers briefly having them disavowed and executed, but also realizes that he still needs them, and gives them one last chance to prove their worth. After the rebels are driven from their base on Yavin, Vader orders them to eliminate all the rebel leaders, except for Skywalker, and bring him any leads that they can on where Skywalker may be hiding, since the rebels have scattered and very few of them have gone to the same place. On top of that, none of the separate groups know where exactly the other ones are hiding, they just know the general systems for security's sake. Using the information that they gain from the rebel leaders they have found, interrogated, and executed, they are able to regain Vader's favor by telling him that the rebels lead by Skywalker would be in the systems surrounding Hoth. 

From there, I don't really know where to take the story. Obviously that scene in Empire Strikes Back has to play a part, and at some point, they realize that IG-88 has been programmed with a self-detination function, thus leading to them to decide their time together and with the Empire is done. They wash their hands of each other and disappear after Boba Fett captures Han Solo. Vader wants to hunt them all down so Boba Fett fakes his own death by setting himself up to fall in the sarlaac pit. The only piece of expanded universe that I care to acknowledge is that Boba Fett gets out of that pit because that is a lame ass way for such an awesome character to go.

Okay so what do you think? Keep in mind that I only thought of this yesterday while driving to and from school, which is why there are parts that are just glossed over and I am aware of a few plotholes, but that's why I'm putting it out there so that the real writers can take it themselves and turn it into something beautiful. Like I said if there already is a concept like this out there in the form of a comic or novel, let me know, I want to see it. And if it contradicts a piece of expanded lore that was in a book, and not in any of the movies, I really don't care. Like I said I take the expanded universe with a grain of salt.

5 Historical Figures Who Deserve Their Own Movie or Miniseries

You know what is one type of movie we don't have enough of? Badass historical biopics. That should be its own genre. You know what should be even more common? Biopics of people you probably haven't heard of but probably should have. Seriously, we have movies about Lincoln, J Edgar, Churchill, Patton and John Adams (all of which I just realized are the titles of their respective movies), but why can't we get movies for the lesser known figures throughout history? In some cases, they are more deserving of a movie than the people we have given movies too. Here are a few historical figures whose life stories may be too awesome for cinematic interpretation.

DISCLAIMER: Just because I say I want to see a movie made out of these people does not mean I agree or condone all or any of their actions. I merely think seeing a movie about them would be awesome as hell. Let's proceed.

#5- William Tecumseh Sherman

I can't tell if he is flipping the camera guy off, or fondling his trusty sidearm. Probably both.

This Clint Eastwood looking Mother F*&%$# already has a god damn tank named after him, so having a movie with his name would be a step down in his case. Nonetheless, William T Sherman was a well known and more well feared than anything else general of the Civil War. Fighting for the Union under General Ulysses S Grant, Sherman was something of a mad dog, that Grant would sic on the state of Georgia. Georgia, of course, being one of those states any Union officer would love to just punch in the face, and that honor was given to the guy who would go on to have a war machine bearing his name.Needless to say, the occupants of the state's capital were terrified at the prospects of fighting a guy who looked he'd shoot you for telling him his look was not "Disney-appropriate", and tried to reason with him, begging him to go easy and spare the town from his storm like furry. Unfortunately, they caught Sherman when he was not in so much of a negotiating mood, as he was in a 'punching racist hillbillies in the face' mood, so he kindly responded with "You may as well appeal against a thunderstorm". (For the record, he did include that he was only doing this on orders, not that that made the situation any better) The people of Atlanta, having shit themselves (some of them in the literal sense I imagine), immediately tried to clear the city of anything and everything that they could carry and anything that would be of value. Unfortunately for both parties, that included whiskey. Of course we all know what happens when we combine panicking rednecks with spilling of whiskey. By no action of Sherman's the city actually caught fire as a result of the panic and the spilling of highly flammable liquid. Sherman, thinking they had started the party without him, promptly charged into the city and burned to the ground what they hadn't already burned themselves. 

Why I want to see this movie: I know it's hard to talk about the Civil War, but unpleasent as it is, it is a part of our history, and apart from that, we don't seem to have many movies about the more audacious figures of history. Apart from Patton, there aren't really that many others. One of Patton's strengths is that it doesn't really tell the audience how it should feel about its protagonist or its subject material, it just presents the story in a factual manner and lets you decide. So for that reason, a film about Sherman's military career would be an interesting movie.

Because heavy armor is for pussies

#4- The Almogavars

I'll admit, I don't know a whole lot about these guys. What I do know is that they were a group of Crusader Mercenaries. The other thing that I know about them is that as they would charge into battle, they would scrape their weapons on the ground to create sparks while shouting "Awake Iron!"

Why I want to see this movie: Because I think I just described the opening to the most epic of all battle scenes.

#3- Andrew Jackson

His hair alone has probably seen, caused, and gotten more action than I will in my lifetime.

Okay, so remember when I said that just because I wanted to see a movie about these guys didn't necessarily mean I think everything they did was okay? Here is where I am going to exercise this disclaimer and also point out that there is really only one specific incident in Jackson's life that I want to see on the silver screen and that is the Battle of New Orleans. A little history for you. In 1814, the british decided that they weren't done with us quite yet, and massed a full on assault on the young nation known as the United States of America. First they hit the upper east coast, attacking and burning the nation's capital as well as shelling a number of nearby citites. Their other point of attack was in the south, primarily at the port city of New Orleans, which was a prime center for trade seeing as how it granted perfect access to the Mississippi River.Who happened to be in charge of defending the city? None other than Old Hickory himself (a name he got for beating a would-be assassin within an inch of his life with a hickory cane). What were the resources at his disposal? A city on the edge of a swamp, a handful of soldiers, some of them slaves, most of which didn't speak english or had never held a weapon in their life, or pirates with no knowledge of strategy. The British on the other hand, had a force twice that size of battle hardened redcoats, a good number of them probably still bitter from the outcome of the revolution. The odds were not stacked in Jackson's favor. And yet, with the  tactical mind of a war hero such as himself, combined with the ingenuity of the kid from Home Alone, Jackson managed to halt the British invasion of New Orleans and deny them access to the Mississippi. Remember what Mance Rayder said about combining the wildlings on Game of Thrones? "Do you know how I got all these people to unite under one banner? I told them we were all going to die if we didn't" Andrew Jackson was like a real-life version of that character.

Why do I want to see this movie? Imagine a version of the movie 300 where the spartans managed to send the Persians packing with tails between legs. Only in this version, the spartans aren't trained as well and they don't all speak the same language. And there aren't any leather speedos. I prefer this version much more.

#2- John Paul Jones

Pictured: his awkward yearbook photo. Below: His facebook profile picture

John Paul Jones may have a less than masculine looking yearbook photo, but don't let that fool you. He pulled off one of the most daring stunts of any naval battle of the American Revolution. Being in command of a merchant ship called the Bonhomme Richard doesn't exactly raise your sex appeal much, but engaging in a battle against a superior warship called the Serapis certainly does. At one point, Jones' unfortunately named ship had been shot to pieces, and upon being told by the british commander to surrender, Jones cried out "(Bitch) I have not yet begun to fight!"He then proceeded to ram his ship into the Serapis and capture it for his own. Sure shut them up. As it turns out, the commander he had crossed swords with survived his encounter with Jones and was even knighted for valor. I guess the English had a different definition of that word than the rest of the world. Jones said that if he ever met him again, he'd make sure he made it to the status of Lord. 

Why do I want to see this movie? Honestly, I feel like what I described was just out of a movie, and it would probably be a movie that critics would call too unrealistic or too cartoony because nobody could have pulled that off. Goes to show that sometimes real life is better than movies. Hell that line about making his rival a lord was almost like a set up for a badass sequel. Hopefully one that would involve the commander saying "Jones" all menacing an annoyed, like every Indiana Jones villain there is.

#1- Vlad "the Impaler" Tepes aka Count Dracula

Go ahead, I double dog dare you to make fun of his facial hair and his red velvet pajamas.

Oh Hollywood, why must you always get this one wrong? Seriously, with such fascination in characters like Walter White and Frank Underwood, you would think that we could get the original anti-hero right. But instead he keeps getting painted as a psychotic madman. Try telling that to the Romanian people, see how well that goes for you. Here's a little history. Vlad Tepes was the son of a Transylvanian nobleman who was given to the Turkish Sultan as a sort of well-kept hostage (think Theon Greyjoy, only with more balls). After he grew up, he escaped and vowed to protect his land from the Turks by any means necessary. And I do mean ANY. Guy didn't take shit from nobody. You rise against him, he treats you to a nice dinner... and then impales you. Yeah, I will admit he did have some weird fetishes, impaling being the most well known. The trouble with a character like Vlad Tepes is that much of his story was fabricated by his enemies in order to damage his reputation. The problem is that we don't know to what degree was it made up. I can confidently say that him drinking blood was probably less than true, seeing as how drinking blood at all is less than healthy. Drinking the blood of a deceased person who lived in 15th century eastern europe is another story. 

Why do I want to see this movie? A lot of reasons really, though I think I'd be in the minority on this one. You see, I've always been fascinated by people who history has painted as being a certain way, only for researchers to dig and find that not everything is as it seems. To a lot of people he is seen as a madman, to the Romanians he is seen as a national hero. And again, with the growing fascination in pop culture for anti-heroes such as Walter White, it would be interesting to see how a director would paint a figure like Vlad the Impaler, or as I call him, the original Anti-Hero.

Best Halloween Movies

I know it's kind of a cliche to talk about seasonal movies, but isn't that kind of the point? We have them around for a reason, and that is to only watch them during a certain 1-2 month period of time. For example, if all of November and December goes by and I have not gotten around to watching Christmas Vacation or Christmas Story at least once, I really start to ask what the hell was so important that I neglected my own tradition.

As is the case with today's list. These are the thirteen movies that I try to watch at least once before All Hallow's Eve (or All Saint's Day for you Lutherans) rolls around. And yes, there will be 13 today. Again, I know it's a cliche, but isn't that all the fun of it?

13. Paranorman- This might be about as close to kid friendly as this list is going to get. And that is saying something because I remember when I saw Paranorman for the first time, my friend and I both agreed that this was not the movie to take kids too. It has that wonderful mix of creepy imagery and messed up humor that you always look for in a good halloween flick.

12. Aliens- Okay, I'm kind of cheating because there isn't really anything Halloween related in James Cameron's Aliens, it's just an awesome movie. Not to mention that it features one of the most terrifying creatures to ever come on the screen. I know that zombies and vampires are all the craze these days (and we'll get to them just wait) but I would not want to be stuck in a room with only a xenomorph, they make the raptors in Jurassic Park look lobotomized. And they don't even have eyes either!
 (How can you face death in the eye when death has no fucking eyes?!)

11. Fright Night- Okay, I guess we got to vampires a little sooner than I thought. Like I said before, everybody seems to be into vampires these days, between True Blood and Underworld people really seem to be sinking their teeth into vampire stories. It's kind of a shame that the remake of Fright Night ended up getting overlooked because, like Paranorman, has that wonderful mix of creepy visuals, copious amounts of gore and twisted humor that makes it the ultimate guilty pleasure. Plus, as a whovian, I'm naturally drawn to anything with David Tenant.
 (I always wondered what he did in the Tardis in his spare time)



10. Cabin in the Woods- As much as I love Joss Whedon now, I have to admit that I was late to the party when it came to joining his fandom. I only became a fan right before The Avengers, thanks in large part to this movie. Never before have I seen a movie that I was so excited to tell people about, but rather than wanting to tell them everything about it, I force them to watch it themselves. The movie has so many great twists and turns that it's not worth spoiling even a second of the mayhem and monster fueled madness for those that haven't watched it yet. Seriously, if you haven't watched it yet, go rent it, watch it, and then go scream at your friends who haven't watched it yet.
 (take note of the monsters on the board, You'll see all of them at least once)



9. The Exorcist- Yeah, okay it is a cliche to add Exorcist to a list of Halloween movies, but it always begs mentioning for a reason. Whether you think it holds up or not, there is no denying that this movie had a huge impact on the horror genre and on cinema in general. I'll admit there are times where I don't think it holds up as well, but if you watch the director's cut (also known as "the version you weren't meant to see"), then you really see how it has stood the test of time.
 (You get to see more of him in the director's cut)


 

8. Young Frankenstein- It's one of my favorite comedies of all time, and I quote this movie to death. And watching it in October just makes it that much better.


7. Shaun of the Dead- one of the most common misconceptions about Shaun of the Dead is that it was meant to be a tribute to zombie movies, when in reality it's a romantic comedy that happens to be set during a zombie uprising. But that doesn't matter, the zombies are still great in the movie, the jokes are hilarious, it's quotable as hell, the characters are memorable, and it features a "blink and you'll miss it" cameo from Martin Freeman. What's not to like?




6. Anything Stephen King related- Stephen King is like the Halloween equivalent of Santa Clause, and every horror fan has their favorite Stephen King movie. For most people it would probably be The Shining, but there are those that like It or perhaps Carrie. Whatever it is, grab your favorite Stephen King movie, even the bad ones, and give it a watch.


5. Sleepy Hollow- I take it back, I think Tim Burton might be the Halloween Santa Clause. Even though he hasn't made that many horror movies, his visual style and eccentric personality does make him a favorite for Halloween. I've decided to make Sleepy Hollow his representative for today because it's one of the few straight up horror movies that he's made, and everything about it just says "Halloween" from the visuals, to the story, to Christopher Walken himself. And it features the god damn headless horseman. Yeah, you can keep your zombies and your vampires, you can either over power a zombie or try to reason with a vampire, you can't reason with a headless man.
  




4. Rocky Horror Picture Show- Actually, I can't really place why this movie is a halloween movie. Maybe it's because Horror is in the title. Maybe it's the fact that it takes place on a rainy night in an old castle full of aliens. Maybe it's just the fantastically bizarre story that gets so bizarre you give up on trying to follow it. Maybe it's goddamn Tim Curry in a corset. Whatever it is, I've noticed people always want to watch it in October.



3. Nightmare on Elm Street- I'm kind of cheating on this one because I haven't technically seen this movie all the way through, but the Freddy Krueger image has become a staple of Halloween pop culture, I see the costume all the time at Hot Topic, and just everything about it makes it the perfect movie to pop into the DVD player while you are handing out candy because you're too lazy or antisocial to go trick-r-treating. Yeah, that's me. I'm that asshole.



2. Nightmare Before Christmas- Like Nightmare on Elm Street, Nightmare Before Christmas has made itself a staple of Halloween for the past twenty years now. Disneyland's The Haunted Mansion always gets the Jack Skellington makeover when Halloween rolls around because it has become that popular over the years. A few years ago it also got a 3-D release in theaters and on blu-ray, which would be one of the few times I would endorse it.



1. Bram Stoker's Dracula- I honestly wish this movie would get a theatrial release every Halloween. I'd sure as heck pay to see it on the big screen. Now that Gary Oldman has grown in popularity over the past couple of years, people are starting to discover this movie more as well. A number of interviews with Gary Oldman have him answering some question to do with Dracula, and I find it getting mentioned more and more when people talk about him. Actually, Gary Oldman's take on the blood sucking count might be my favorite portrayal of Dracula, or any vampire for that matter. It's different from past incarnations, but it's also very faithful to the original source material. Most of the time, Dracula is only ever portrayed as being very young or being extremely old. Oldman made the switch back and forth playing him both young and old. His performance alone along with the visuals and the music make this the ultimate Halloween movie. Not to mention he gives one of the best evil laughs in history.

  (All of these, same character, same movie, same actor)

Summer 2014 Round Up Pt 2

Well, we talked about the movies that were really good, now let's talk about the movies that sucked hard.

5. Transformers: Age of Extinction


Okay, I'll admit, I didn't actually see this one. Did it really warrant watching it though? It's still Michael Bay in the directing chair, it's still the same dumb writing, and it's still way longer than it has to be. Seriously, there's no reason for these movies to be pushing Lord of the Rings time.

4. Maleficent



This one really hurt because I was really intrigued to see what Disney would do with a story revolving around its most well -known villain. Turns out, the movie didn't really know what it wanted to with her story either. It certainly didn't give a rat's ass about staying truthful to the source material. Seriously, her most iconic scene is when she turned into a dragon, and she doesn't even turn into a dragon in this movie.

Actually.... Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna do a later blog post about how to fix Maleficent. Moving on.

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



Okay, I'll admit again, I didn't see this one either. But let's put it this way: Michael Bay decides to put his own spin on a popular franchise and he gives the responsibility to the director of such hits as Battle: Los Angeles and Wrath of the Titans. Sounds like a blockbuster to me.

2. The Amazing Spider-Man 2



Fuck Spider-Man. He's too busy cracking jokes to stop the asshole that's running over cop cars and innocent civilians. He also won't give a blood sample to his dying friend because it might not work. Well hey, at least you could say you tried, dumbass. And of course, the sole purpose of this movie was to set up the Sinister Six, who apparently aren't building their own weapons, they have already been built, all OSCORP has to do is hand them out like Secret Santa gifts. What's that?Setting up backstory and motivations? Ain't nobody go time fo dat! We just have time for the cutesy romantic subplot.

1. A Million Ways to Die in the West



Seth Macfarlane used to be a good writer. The first few seasons of Family Guy are actually hilarious. I even enjoyed Ted immensely. The last few seasons and this movie have proven that there is one thing Seth Macfarlane reigns supreme at, and that's sucking his own dick. Here is the thought process on this movie "Hey I want to make a movie where I'm the underdog who gets into a fight with Neil Patrick Harris over a woman, then I get to kill Liam Neeson, and I get to make out with Charlize Theron" yeah, this is just Seth Macfarlane's salute to his own ego. A salute to the laziest comedy writer who is still somehow successful. A writer who has written the same formula for a show at least three times and yet his shows still keep getting greenlit. And a director who made the brilliant decision of spoiling all the 'best' jokes in the trailer. Who in their right mind would think spoiling a Christopher Lloyd cameo would be a good idea? Don't get me wrong, I think Seth Macfarlane is a talented guy who can write some very clever stuff. However, it's much easier for him to fall back on his usual formula, and it's even easier for him to get wrapped up in himself.

Summer 2014 Round up Pt 1

So here we are, the end of summer. School is starting, the days are about to get shorter, and life is about to get all the more stressing. But before we get to that, let's talk about, what else, the summer movie season. When it comes to the movies that come out during the summer, it's usually a hit or a miss, and most of the time, it's easy to spot which ones will be which. For example, I don't think any of us really expected to be blown away by Ninja Turtles, but we all had high hopes for X-Men Days of Future Past. Well, for those of you who aren't able to decide, here are my picks for what rocked and what sucked in the summer of 2014.

Let's start with the best movies of Summer 2014:


5. Captain America: The Winter Soldier



Okay, so this one came out in April, so technically not the summer. But it was still a good movie and I didn't get a chance to review it, so I'm putting it at the bottom. I'll admit, I don't really care much for Captain America. I only saw this movie because I wanted to be up to date for the next Avengers. Surprisingly though, for a movie that was directed by the knuckleheads behind the majority of the episodes of Community, I was really surprised by how much I liked The Winter Soldier. I' m a sucker for political spy thrillers, which is essentially what this was, just throw in a guy that has a giant metal frisbee for a weapon. The strongest part was how the turned Hydra from a Nazi organization to an underground, illuminati-esque society. Plus, it introduced me to what is probably the greatest Marvel villain in history, Batroc the Leaper!

 Try NOT saying that in the most over the top french accent ever. It can't be done.

4. Godzilla



I had some really high hopes for this movie. I can never say no to watching any of the older Japanese movies, and I think we all found the Matthew Broderick movie from 1997 to be the most offensive thing to Japanese culture since "Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips". Go ahead, look it up on Youtube. It's pretty bad.
I know a number of people had some issues with Godzilla, and I can't say that I didn't either, but the things that director Gareth Edwards got right, he got really right, and I'm looking forward to anything else that he might be doing in the future.

3. The Fault in Our Stars



Yes, I am man enough to admit that I teared up when I watched this movie, and my girlfriend had to comfort me a little. So what?! I was a huge fan of John Green's book, and the whole time that I was waiting for this movie, the one thing I kept thinking was "Please don't fuck this up. Please don't fuck this up". Thankfully, the film makers did anything but and made a very good adaptation that actually stayed truthful to the story and didn't feel the need to split it into multiple movies. Yeah, it can be done.

2. The Guardians of the Galaxy



I've already gone over this movie enough so I don't really have much else to say about it, except that I;m debating if it should take the number 1 spot instead of what is sitting there in its stead.
P.S I am Groot

1. X-Men: Days of Future Past



Yeah you knew this was coming. I hate to sound like a broken record, but this truly is the best X-Men movie to date, it may be the best Marvel movie to date as well. It was great seeing all of our favorites, especially Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart. Hugh Jackman is still perfect as Wolverine, and can anybody honestly say that they aren't open to seeing more of Peter Dinklage? More Peter Dinklage and the most minimal amount of Halle Berry? Sounds like my kind of movie But beyond that, it was nice to see a summer movie where the motivation behind the writing was an actual story with actual characters with actual motivations that we could actually identify with, even the villain to the extent. I'm not talking about the sentinels of course, those were fucking scary. I'm talking about Peter Dinklage's character because Peter Dinklage is the fucking man. But the real scene stealer was Quicksilver, who I am glad to hear will be appearing in the next movie with a bigger role.