The Trouble With: Prometheus

There are good movies, there are bad movies, and then there are movies that nobody can agree on. Is it good, or is it terrible? And no other movie seems to have audiences split more than Ridley Scott's Prometheus. Some people see it as a worthy attempt at creating a sci-fi cinematic experience, while others see it as a total letdown. Me personally, I'm on the fence. I admit to liking it when it came out, but after a few viewings, as well as watching the first two Alien films, which this movie is supposed to be a sort-of prequel to, I have a few bones of my own to pick.

But first, a little backstory. 
Prometheus was originally slated as being a two-part Alien prequel. That's all anybody really knows about the original project because soon after that was announced, the whole prequel idea was scrapped in favor of a story about people who go on a quest for answers about mankind's origins... and somewhere in there are xenomorphs (the closest thing we get to an actual xenomorph is the shark thing pictured above) and space jockeys. Really the only solid connection between this movie and the Alien series is the presence of the Weyland-Yutani corporation, which has been a constant presence throughout the series, even in the Alien vs Predator movies.

So what is the actual movie about?
Well, like I said, for some reason they decided to abandon the story about what led up to the events with Ellen Ripley and just went with this whole quest for answers story. Ironically, fans of the series have been on their own quest for answers since Prometheus first came out.

Two scientists discover a series of cave paintings and carvings from different cultures all around the world that all depict similar images of people bowing before giant beings that are pointing to the stars. Coincidentally, the stars they are pointing to are the exact same constellation in every image. And for some reason, the scientists believe that these beings want mankind to come and find them, because these images indicate that humans were created by these beings, rather than they just visited, even though there are no paintings of these Engineers (as they get to be called, fans know them as space jockeys) actually creating them, or leading them in any way.

Are you already confused? Hold onto your hat. This happens before the five minute mark.

After approaching the Weyland-Yutani company, they are given (literally) a trillion dollars to finance this expedition. Being that it's the Weyland-Yutani company of course, there's always a hidden sinister agenda. Now, the trailer says that they went on a quest for answers but what they found was far worse. Of the original questions, only one was answered, and it was the one that we already knew the answer to "Did the engineers create us?" even though they took a complete shot in the dark, they are somehow proven right.

Now here are the questions that remain unanswered.

Why did they create us?
Why did they decide that we should be destroyed? Is it like a Noah's ark situation where they decided we were a failed experiment?
What happened that delayed them? We see hologram projections of Engineers running for something, but what was it? And why didn't the scientists come across even a dead body of something in the caves.
How did the one engineer manage to survive and hibernate all these years? Which would be around a billion by the time the movie takes place?
Why does the black goo they find in the caves turn one guy into a space zombie and completely destroy that other guy?
So, is Charlize Theron a robot, or is she just that bland?
Why does David survive getting his head ripped off when that is what killed Ash, a later model of Android that was in Alien, which took place sixty years later?
Why would you hire Guy Pearce to play an old man with horrible make up when you could just as easily hired an older actor and not made a fool of your make up department?
Why did David poison the other scientist by slipping the black goo into his drink? If all that was needed to create weapons was the goo,which in and of itself is a Maguffin entirely (seriously, we never learn what it is or how it works) then why didn't they just take a sample home with them?
Why are the engineers seen in the cave paintings with humans when the one that created mankind sacrificed himself to create mankind, and that would have been hundreds if not thousands of years beforehand?

And those are just the questions about the story.
Here are the questions behind characters doing stupid things.

Why did the scientists think that the engineers wanted us to find them? All they know is that they dropped us here on earth and peaced out.
How did they come to the conclusion that they wanted to destroy us too? Again, they turned out to be right, but that's another very loose connection you are drawing.
Why did a biologist, and the most freaked out member of the crew, think that touching this would be a good idea?

(at least he only tried to stick his finger in there)

Why do you have a medical pod that only works on men? Wouldn't a medical pod that works for both sexes be much more efficient? And it's stored in the quarters of a woman?
How does the machine preform a C-section for a man? How many pregnant men were they expecting on this expedition?
Why does Shaw decide to go to the Engineers' homeworld if she already knows that going there will just remind them that they were going to try to wipe out mankind before? I know she wants answers (not nearly as much as the audience), but at this point, from a character standpoint, it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. Just head home, sell whats inside the ship to Weyland, and wipe your hands of this mess.

And finally, the last question that everybody is asking...

How does asking a woman if she's a robot get you laid?


(Maybe it's the eyebrows. Or the mustache. Or the accent. Yeah. It's the accent.)

Final Thoughts
I know that's a lot of questions to ask, and it may border on the line of nit-pickery, but go back and watch the movie and check off the questions that are actually answered. Double points if you can do it without the help of the internet or outside sources. And don't use the line "it's what I choose to believe" as a reason for any of them, because I happen to know that Ridley Scott is an agnostic, so even he has to think that's bullshit to a degree. The tagline for this movie should have been:

They went searching for answers.

What they got

Was more questions.

And answers they just made up themselves.